she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize