i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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