If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
