his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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