my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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