we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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