My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
