i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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