Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
