did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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