Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I deserve this hangover.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
