If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize