Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
