i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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