yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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