I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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