you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
