Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When are your genitals available?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
