my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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