You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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