Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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