at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
