I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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