Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
