ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
