i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
