Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
