i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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