I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
