matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
