If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
