I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
