YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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