question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Green mimosas i think yes
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
