so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
