I love black thongs
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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