Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
