Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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