My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
