I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
