I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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