We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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