The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
