Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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