I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
