it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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