mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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