So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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