He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
