Define "chronic" masturbator.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
