I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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