Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
