Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
