He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
