I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
