if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize