I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
