You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
third nipple confirmed
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
