how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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