My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize