my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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