Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
