Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
