The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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