I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
