either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
