i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
what day is it and did you see me today?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
