proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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