Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
