it hurts more in the daytime
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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