You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
