half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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