Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
