just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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