as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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