dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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