Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
