God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
