I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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