I'll bet she douches with gravy.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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